I have this friend, this darling, amazing, smart woman friend, who cannot figure out why she NEVER gets hit on when we go out, and why men don’t go for her the way they go for others….but I do know why and I’ve been trying to explain it to her, and I figured I’d explain it here too! It’s because when it comes to initial, physical attraction (yes, I realize there are many reasons why you love someone, but on that first meeting, you’re using your eyes) what girls think is attractive is very, very different than what guys find hot! Now, some of you might be thinking, “Sure, guys like skimpy clothes and hot bodies.” Well, true, but that’s not what I’m talking about, really. I’m talking about the general difference between what a man is drawn to as opposed to a woman. And let’s not get anti-feminist here, of course I think everyone should dress however makes them feel good, BUT, if you’re like my sweet, clueless friend, then you might like these tips!
Ok, men like pretty, confident women. It doesn’t matter how long or short or curly or straight your hair is, if it looks good on you, this is what is attractive. Yet, there are a few things you should keep in mind if you’re heading out on a first date and really want to impress. Girls think updos and various “styles” are so cute, fun, elegant and pretty. I love to twist my hair up, wrap it in a side bun with a big flower and feel dressy! And you know what my boyfriend says after I do this? Nothing. On the other hand, if I wash my hair, blow dry it and leave it down, he always, always makes comments on how pretty it is and touches it constantly. Does he see the effort of my trendy, perfectly teased updo with a sparkly, bowed headband nestled in just perfectly? No, he likes my hair first thing in the morning hanging down in no special fashion.
Men like hair that looks touchable, soft, and low-maintenance. Think of it this way: what would you think, as a man, if you went on a first date with a woman in some intricate, sprayed, just-so hairdo with glittery hair baubles? You’d think for the rest of your life you’re going to be waiting on this woman’s hair to be done before leaving the house. Appearing high-maintenance, even just in the hair, is never going to appeal to the male species. Is that hair sending the message that later if he wants to head out to the beach in Jeep, you’re going to be up for that? Girl hot- uber-cool updos straight out of fashion magazines. Guy hot- touchable, easy, low-maintenance ‘dos.
So, for lunch with the girls or a girls’ night out, rock those updos! Pull out all the accessories and glam it up all you want. Date night with the hubby? Leave it down and leave it alone. He likes you natural and something he can touch.
Girl-hot= Keira Knightley’s Oscar updo
Guy-hot= Keira Knightley tousled bed-head
Keira is always lovely, but much more accessible on the right
Knowing When to Dress Up
Ok. This gets SO tricky for my girlfriend who cannot figure her lack of appeal to men! She thinks of everything as something to really dress up for! If we’re going out on Saturday night I usually have on favorite jeans, a cute top and a funky watch. My friend, on the other hand, is going to be wearing the latest, fashion top, pencil-thin brand-name jeans, sky-high heels, five bangle bracelets, the cutest necklace in the world, chandelier earrings, and perfect lipstick. And…..I’m going to be hit on all night while she fumes. Why is this happening people? Because a Saturday night out at random clubs and bars or concerts are not events to dress up for like that! Would you approach a girl with that much armor on? The shoes, the clothes, the jewelry, the makeup-this stuff is intimidating! It screams, “HIGH MAINTENANCE!” No guy is going to look at all that and think, “Yep, that girl looks like fun.” She doesn’t look fun, she looks like she’s on the prowl and kind of insecure, honestly.
So having said that, is there a never a time to dress up in all your favorite, glammy stuff and really do it up? Of course there is! Once again, this is girl-hot. Save this stuff for the people that will appreciate it-your girlfriends! Also, save it for times when it really is a dress-up affair. A friend’s birthday dinner at a nice restaurant, an evening event for work, or your own birthday! Otherwise, I’m sorry, but there isn’t much need for that kind of high-voltage look. Obviously I’m generalizing here, but in my experience, this look just doesn’t appeal to men on anyone besides Fergie, and, well…I bet they wouldn’t approach her either. They’d be WAY too scared! (As would I, I mean, it’s Fergie!) And when your man takes you out to a fancy anniversary dinner, or you’re attending a black tie wedding, think of his face then, when he sees his pretty girl all dolled up for the ball. Prom is only once a year, no matter how old you are. There’s a time and a place, a time and a place.
Girl-hot= Taylor Swift’s CMA dress
Guy-hot= Taylor Swift’s simple sundress and cowboy boots
Yep, both pretty, but the girl on the right is being asked out tonight
I have this super cute top on right now and Kim has complimented me three times on it. It’s cotton, has black straps, an almost triangle-shape top portion, wide black band around the middle, and then flares out into a flowy, babydoll-esque style hitting right below my hips. I love this shirt. Kim loves this shirt. My little sister loves this shirt. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had does not love this shirt. I have an ex that actually used to hide it and ask me to please not wear my “maternity clothes”. Yeah, he called it that. It’s not a maternity top! It’s an expensive boutique shirt I get complimented on constantly! ….by women. Guys just don’t like babydoll, flowy styles very much, regardless of how trendy they might be. Apparently they also equate this look with maternity wear!
I have learned that if my goal is to look hot to my significant other, then I leave the billowy fashions in the closet. If I’m going out with my girlfriends, I pull them out and accessorize! (Anti-feminism disclaimer, if I want to wear it, I wear it, it’s not his choice what I want to put on my body, but you get what I’m saying, right?) My wonderful friend that we’ve been discussing makes this mistake ALL the time! She will be telling me she wants to meet someone at some event we’re going to, and then shows up in some flowy, silky, off-the-shoulder ,caftan style top that I know is hanging in store windows everywhere, but I also know is about as appealing to a straight man as a muumuu is! Most men have no idea what is “in” right now, they just know when you look good. Men enjoy the female form, and they want to see it. This doesn’t mean if you are trying to dress up for your husband today you need a skintight, see-through number. It means that if you’re holding up two dresses and one is babydoll-waisted and one requires Spanx, break out the Spanx, lady.
Girl-hot= Nicole Richie’s hippie-boho dresses
Guy-hot= Jennifer Aniston’s fitted weekend jeans.
I love Nicole’s dress, as my brother is drooling over Jennifer
This one is a no-brainer. No guy out there prefers a woman in full-faced, piled on, unable to wash off makeup. No guy is going to look at your silver eyeshadow, red lipstick, and sparkly bronzer and think you look best that way. You can’t kiss a mouth in full lipstick. You can’t let a woman in tons of bronzer near your white shirt. You cannot stop staring at someone’s eyebrows when they’re drawn on. You have to think of this from his point of view. Yes, the MAC counter girls are going to tell you that everyone is wearing blue eyeshadow right now, and that it looks best with dark, cherry lipstick and highlighter on your cheekbones. But, that girl standing next to you in Bare Minerals and mascara is talking to the guy you like. All night. She looks real! He isn’t thinking that for the next five years of dating her she’s going to hold him up with makeup application and freak out at the idea of getting in a swimming pool. Recently, in Las Vegas, the darling boyfriend actually said to me, after I got into my teeny-tiny gold dress and teased my hair up in Vegas-style, “Don’t wear any makeup.” Well, that was laughable, I mean the one place you need the costume-face is Las Vegas, but I heard his sentiment. He really does like my face naked (Lord help the poor man). His exact words were, “You look like you, and I like you.” He’s not the minority, ladies.
And let me explain something: a lot of men don’t realize that the “no makeup” look they think they like, actually includes makeup and some effort. They don’t understand the subtleties of sheer foundation, perfect blush, mascara, and some lip gloss. They just know that you look pretty. What they DO understand, though, is the chick wearing pounds of caked on goop is going to be a lot of work.
So again, when it’s a girls’ night, a bachelorette party, or Las Vegas Strip night, put everything in your makeup case on your face. Otherwise, do you really need liquid eyeliner to pick up a pair of jeans at the mall? Do you really think, as you head out on a first date, that he can’t see the amount of war paint on your face? Makeup, in general, is supposed to give the illusion of natural beauty, it’s created to enhance, not cover up. And while many men and women alike love a great red lip, it’s not something you bust out every single night. Unless you’re Gwen Stefani.
Girl-hot= any MAC ad
Guy-hot= any Colbie Caillat video
Come on, you cannot hang with the chick on the left, no matter how amazing those fake lashes!
Moral of my article:
Take it easy, ladies, if you’re dressing to impress these men. They like you closest to your natural form (or what they think is your natural form-notice I didn’t say to stop shaving, waxing, buying Spanx, or coloring your hair). When you’re out with the girls, you can impress them with all your latest styles and hairdos, they will appreciate it and recognize the effort! But when you’re out with your man, or out to meet your potential man, think of the psychology behind what you’re making yourself look like. Trying too hard never looks good, and overdone always smells like desperation. You, in your stripped self, is beautiful and that guy is SO lucky to meet you. Touch up your face, comb your hair, toss on those jeans that make your butt look amazing, and call it a night. Trust me in this advice, I don’t hurt in the good men department! *wink*