The Sunscreen Lecture

You’re about to get a lecture, so sit down and be quiet, young lady.  Every once in awhile you need one, and you’re getting one today.  I want no arguments, and no back talk, and if you can’t cooperate you can march yourself right back down to your bedroom and decide when you’re ready to listen.  (thanks for the script, Mom)

But seriously, today’s topic is NO JOKE!   Sunscreen people.  Sunscreen.  I am a sunscreen fanatic.  Right now in my purse I honestly have a tube of Aveeno SPF 70.  Yep, I carry it around and re-apply it to my hands and neck all day long.  Why?  Because I have read about, seen, and know the damage the sun causes and hello! We live in Arizona!  We live virtually IN the sun for like, 9 months of the year.  We need it girls, we need the sunscreen and I’m not going to hear another word about it!  Here are some things I want you to think about before you head outside uncovered, lay out, or (heaven forbid) enter one of those carcinogenic age-increasing youth-zapping tubes, or “tanning beds” as the kids are calling them these days.

Sunscreen Truth #1:   Without it, you will look 100 by age 35.

Let me tell you a little secret about my job:  I am the person who makes sure all pictures leaving my desk look as perfect as can be.  I photoshop a lot of my day away, and I am a huge fan of the program.  I don’t let my own pictures get onto Facebook without a quick touch-up these days, and so I see a lot of zoomed in, up close, magnified shots of lovely people.  Do you know what I think all day while doing this?  PUT ON SUNSCREEN!  Those little lines by your eyes, the forehead creases, the smattering of brown spots, the little patches of discolored skin—-this is sun damage!  I hope that tan last summer was worth it, you have now aged 10 years!  I’m vain, this isn’t a secret, but even the least vain people out there do not want to wake up looking older than they are!  According to every expert, doctor, mother, and makeup artist out there, the number one difference between people with young, healthy skin and those who lack this, is the amount of sun damage they have.  So take note!

Sunscreen Truth #2:  It could save your life.

I mean, I hate to be Debby Downer here, but people die from skin cancer.  This isn’t some made up statement, people die from skin cancer.  Right now you’re worried about looking pale in a swimsuit/pair of shorts/etc, but what you should be worried about is the fact that after you tan you could very well need to get entire patches of your skin removed later from skin cancer!  How hot is that going to look in your swimsuit?  I know a woman who had to have a chunk, I said chunk, of her nose removed at age 43 from skin cancer cells found.  The cause?  Sun damage.  She lost a part of her nose because she never wore sunscreen.  I can’t be the only person understanding this correlation.  Tanning=sun damage=skin damage=wrinkles=cancer=major consequences=death.   Sunscreen=none of the above. Can you all see the equation there?  It’s serious, ladies!

Sunscreen Truth #3:   Being pale is in!

Unless you’ve been living in a cave (in which case, how are you online right now?), you have seen the influx of Twilight style infiltrating the world, and the increasingly pale starlets covering the red carpet and talking about how their number one beauty product is always sunscreen.  Nobody likes the orange “tanorexic” look anymore, especially not since The Jersey Shore hit the TV’s last fall.   If you’ve seen Gone With the Wind (or like me, watch it monthly), you see that a hundred years ago, well-brought up ladies didn’t wear dresses that would leave them “all freckled” before 4 pm.  Let’s bring that back!  The tanning thing is going out of style because looking old and haggard is rarely a trendsetting move.  So if you (like me) were not blessed with naturally beautiful, cocoa shaded skin, it’s OK, we’re trendy too!

Pale Hollywood Beauties.  Tell me they’re not hot.  Just try and say it.

Sunscreen Truth #4:   You don’t have to give up all color.

If you really need it, hate your skin in it’s natural color, and simply cannot face the summer without some color, do it in a healthy way!  Spray tan and self-tanning are amazing these days!  Science is advanced folks, there are products out there that will give you the summer glow without the side of wrinkles and melanoma.  It’s also way more convenient to self-tan than to actually lay in the hot sun all afternoon or (I hate even mentioning it) getting into one of the UV-age-increasing-death-tubes.  There is a way to look pretty while also preserving your youth and health.  I promise you.

I’m proud of you girls for listening, you may call your friends now, but be home by 11 and that bedroom better be clean when I go in there.